Friendship

friend

–noun

1.

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.

a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3.

a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4.

a member of the same nation, party, etc.

5.

(initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

When did the definition of friend or friendship evolve to encompass so much? From a person who gives assistance or support to someone who is expected to drop everything and stand by one's side? This isn't a unique expectation either. Despite the definition of "friend" our choices of who we adorn with this coveted label rely on so much more than a person that gives assistance or support. Friends aren't just people we find through common interests or similar backgrounds, friends are born from hardship and consistency. A friend is crowned when we struggle through unspeakable circumstances and emerge unscathed together. This position is acquired from being there regularly when needed, and most importantly it involves a mutual amount of give and take. Similarly, a friendship crumbles when one person's situations seem to over power and outweigh the others.

Based on the definition a friend is one we hold in regard. Regard meaning respect or esteem. Somehow though friendship has lost the connection. If we hold someone in regard then we respect them, their obligations, their choices, and their abilities. We respect and recognize these characteristics and understand that in order to remain friends we must not compromise this buffer of respect and regard. However, somewhere along the line friendship came to mean something more similar to being able to beat up on someone and have them still be there for you the next day. Friendship means asking the unthinkable of people and asserting a right to be upset when they don't comply to a request. Or even worse, we strip those we once called friends of their title and tell them, "You are a bad friend."

When did friendship become such a hostile place where extortion, coercion, and demanding are common place and considered a given right? In many cases we treat our friends worse than our enemies, we take the people who we 'regard' for granted and regularly feel the need to treat them poorly as if it's some "right" of friendship.

Maybe this is why marriage is so important, if you're lucky you marry your best friend and you find the one person in your life that you truly do regard and respect. Someone you want to be good for and you want to give everything for because you know that no matter what happens they would do the same for you, and this belief is comfort enough to make everything else melt away. Friendship is so precious and we need not lose sight of that. All we must do is remember the golden rule of, "Treat others the way you would want to be treated." This doesn't mean after you yell at them. This doesn't mean the big picture, this means that in every moment we need to be thinking how those around us would feel in that same situation. If you can't put yourself in another's shoes, you will never be able to have a true friend.

Things happen, things are said, and feelings get hurt. But a friendship that spends most its time in a respectful and loving setting will recover from that. A friendship where one person (or both people) feel(s) that they are being taken advantage of or not respected will not. It can not until both people are ready to trust their feelings with one another, and trust that those feelings will matter and be respected. If one person monopolizes this time, the other person will never come to feel a part of that friendship.

Don't forget that friendship is work, it's respect, it's love, and it's being able to find comfort in the fact that you have a friend there for you and not in what they will be willing to do FOR you. Focus on how lucky you are to have someone to talk to, to share a laugh with, and if you're lucky - get coffee with every once in a while. It's more than most. Don't focus on how far you can push a person or how many things you can hold over their head to guilt them into what really is above and beyond the call of duty. If you have a mutually giving friendship then going above and beyond will be a willing choice than a forced coercion.

Just some thoughts.